A journey to righteousness, purity and wholeness with sexuality is tough — it’s even harder when the struggle is homosexual.
Don’t switch off or freak out — I’m not losing my faith or resolution — I’m just realizing that even I’ve become very “victorious” in my preaching on this (which is true), but I don’t want to negate nor ignore the very real reality of conquering something and it showing up again in a very real way years later.
Over the last few months I’ve found myself battling things that I have seen complete victory and authority over in years past. It’s been both a troubling and humbling experience. I’ve been re-reading notes from when I’ve preached on freedom — and feeling like a failure when it didn’t appear to fix everything.
I’ve stood on stages and I’ve sat with individuals and said the same thing — a journey to freedom from a sexual orientation struggle is just that; a journey. I guarantee you there will be ups and downs (epic wins and times of failure), you’ll feel like freedom is a way of life and then times of wondering if anything has changed at all. I say that not as a declarative statement but a reality check for those daring to embark on the glorious road to change and freedom.
Freedom and purity are the most simple and complex things. Simple because it’s an empowered life and not a list of do’s and dont’s, which by default makes it equally complex/difficult.
So, where’s the hope? Where’s the comfort to a struggling soul; the hiding place of refuge on the uphill battle? It’s simply found within His unfailing love and grace — that nothing you’ve done, are doing, or could do, can EVER separate you from Him. His arms reach further than you could fall and His feet are more planted and secure than any stumble or falter you encounter.
I’m writing today (because just like singing songs) sometimes I’ve gotta write it and declare it until I believe it.
Over these last few months I’ve had a rough go of this — learning first hand how hard the road can be. However the truth remains that darkness and loneliness can only make it easier to see His light shine — which begs to question, where am I looking? If I can’t see Him, His light, could it be less about His eternal ability to light my path, and more to do with the fact that I’m facing the wrong way and am focusing too much on the darkness?
Freedom is both freedom with a capital and lowercase F. Capital F freedom is the finished work of Christ on the cross — He’s done it all and paid it all. We are a people birthed into freedom and life — it’s our new nature to follow Him at every turn. Lowercase f freedom is the daily reality that we can’t do it on our own and it’s a journey of daily surrender and submission to Him and His leading.
Capital F is the one we sing on Sunday, lowercase f is the one we forget on Monday. It’s not sexy, it’s not cool, it’s signing up for a lifetime of trust and surrender (following even when we don’t understand — or when the earthly/human pull to sin is so enticing) but it’s worth it and it’s the way of LIFE and JOY.
The journey to freedom isn’t for the faint hearted, but thank God it’s His heart and strength I lean on and collapse into when it’s hard — because in a beautifully complex paradox, it’s faith, grace and works that are credited to us as righteousness. He signed up first by committing to the cross, we sign up as we carry ours, knowing it’s for our good and His glory — and we discover that He’s faithful to shoulder that wooden weight alongside us on our path to freedom.
It’s a daily surrender and the pen’s in MY hand. So today I’m re-signing my allegiance to Jesus and this journey. Whether you want to start over or just need the grace for today — it’s your decision. He gave everything for you, will I do the same?
Yes, Lord Jesus. Yes.